The festival of all festivals kicks off today and whilst you may or may not be there, we’re sure you can relate to these Coachella expectations vs reality.
Expectation: The weather will be exceptionally warm and a light jacket will suffice after the sun goes down.
Reality: At night the temperature dips below 50 degrees so you resort to wearing your $2 CVS emergency poncho as a makeshift coat. You had no idea a millimeter-thick layer of plastic could provide so much warmth…
Expectation: Tons of hot guys with excellent taste in music will be everywhere, waiting to make out with you during the slow songs and buy you drinks during the boring bands.
Reality: The only guy who speaks to you is a shirtless Duck Sauce superfan who asks where you’re from but then doesn’t seem to have a basic grasp of American geography.
Expectation: You will make a detailed schedule laying out all of the bands you want to see, with time budgeted for lunch, dinner, and booze breaks, and you will stick to it hard and fast.
Reality: You see 3-4 bands per day and spend the rest of your time waiting in line for artisanal vegan burgers and a $45 band logo tank top you wear once.
The Front Row
Expectation: You will stake out a spot near the front for your favorite band and sit there all day, patiently awaiting their 10:30 PM set time.
Reality: You run out of water at 6 PM and get so dehydrated by 9 PM that you either actually faint or come so close to actually fainting that your BFF has to escort you out of the crowd two songs in. Good thing you wrote her phone number on your arm as a precaution.
Expectation: You will see tons of famous people wearing feathers in their hair with glitter on their face, and you will surreptitiously Instagram them and all your friends back home will be like, “OMG so jealous!”
Reality: All of the famous people hide in a VIP area, so you end up revising your drinking game to “Drink whenever you see someone who looks like they could have been on The Hills.”
The After Parties
Expectation: There will be a glamorous after party at your hotel and you’ll make all kinds of friends from all over the world. A pool will be involved.
Reality: You fall asleep on the shuttle bus and nearly miss your stop, and when you finally make it back to your room you pass out before you can even take off your crocheted crop top.
Expectation: You will look amazing in the denim shorts and sequin crop top you’ve planned for this very occasion.
Reality: You forget you’re in a desert so burn your legs and blind everyone in your path with your reflective sequin top.